How many times did
you had a spark …looking at the picture of a gal…. I bet one in a million
times….and that too if it was concerned
with the fact that you would be looking at the same gal and the same picture
for the rest of your life….that too in hype real…what you shall say.
ya it’s the story of destiny that
started from the aperture of a low
shutter speed camera…shot down in a not so happening indoor studio….with
a not so happening model..with a not so happening pose and a really not so
happening purpose….my marriage.
Moms are really anxious when its
about the marriage of their sons…I was the last living souvenir of my
family….the last grudge they had to bear…so it was this marriage proposal that
came with a photo…which my mom anxiously.,desperately,happily,deliberately…..and
a thousand other …elys…put me up into.
For the first time in my life ..i
hated to be a man….but thank god for not making me a women either…or else I
would have been in that photo and some other damn f***ing free lancer scribbler
would have been making fun of me.. but there are no choices left so I better be
a man…a lonely desperate bachelor …all get set to get screwed up…err… married.
It lay down in a red envelope…the color telling the purpose of the thing inside, on the glass table in the
drawing room..where a mom and a son were about to race for a battle of their
instincts,ideology and Indian western melodrama ..i know mom is going to be
the winner.
My very first reaction was to give a
formal look to the photo….as if to pretend I was least concerned…but from the
bottom of my heart I was too anxious to know the geography of the unseen
paradise.
Plan two was to shy away….if pressed
hard….and if conditions got worse….plan three was to get away and
leave…..reason…mahatma Gandhi told patience,silence,non violence are a true
man`s weaponry..
But how your plans get pissed off
when the catastrophe arrives…you may never know.
When I first saw the photo….it was
all blue…blue carpet….blue walls…blue duppata…blue salwar ….blue
kameez….blue…oh leave it for I am not so sure about it….but all items were blue
in the photo. My heart was blue as well with the blueishness….and when I gazed
back in reality…I was virtually hating a very prominent colour of spectrum-BLUE
She was ..hmm..err….perfect for a
house maid…or caretaker…or a nurse….or a mom to a dozen children who I bet
shall not be mine.
The first words I spoke in my mind coming
back from the shock was..”fuk me”…its virtually a meaningless sentence for us
guys…because we abuse our self with something that isn't possible in real
life…..so fuk me again.
My reaction to mom was in silent gestures .”no one better….i would better marry Luci Liu from china rather
than marrying her.”
But the fact was that she was a girl
of common Indian middle class standards…and
that…honesty.,truthfulness,integrity.,maturity,respectfulness,and all other
virtues crafted for women were pouring out of her…god knows from where.
The photo revealed a few facts….don't wonder I am ahead of Sherlock Holmes if it’s a matter of revealing…..facts.
Why were her heels hiding… short
height….or an extra finger in the leg….i quickly counted her fingers on the
hands..,ten…oh god what a relief.
Why her legs are so close..as if tied
down…are the joints all right…
Why her eyes are gloomy….looking at
infinity or the camera flash….and why the extra effort to look so round
eyed…perhaps to avoid closing of eyes when the camera flashes…to avoid costing
her peers a few more bucks…and to save the amateur cameraman a pain in the
neck.
Why the rest of the wall in the
background so dull….is it the glow effect..in the girls skin or the effect of some unregistered,old version photo editing software.
Why the duppata is so customary wrapped
…in fact the marriage photo should be taken from all angles so that all your
vital marks….the topography…and stats are clear …and not hazy as in this case.
The most peculiar thing that almost
erupted off the photo was that of the different yet customary position of the
hands.
Very peculiar and very purposeful…I think…conveying a message
perhaps… resembling a NO ENTRY board shouting to you –“not so easy to get
through,many a men have carved their bones reaching here”..,or perhaps testifying
that “I am the pious est of the pious,no one has ever reached here..and neither
shall thou..till the dusk of eternity”..or is it the hiding thing-ruptured and
plundered lands ….some things better not
be revealed before time….what ever be the case…I don’t like that peculiar
position of the Indian marriage stance..wise men have rightly said “it’s a girl`s history that
determines her geography…,”
But one thing was for sure..this girl
was dumb…or to be fare- dumber er as I could figure out from the picture…having
partial or no knowledge of life ,forget about evolution….i was just wondering
how life would be a dull hell when your
wife was VICKY – the robot….what if I had to tell her a double meaning joke and
explain her later what the joke was all about…..,,forget all those cartoon
characters in the much talked about books of Vatsyayan..,what if you said her that you are smelling something fishy
tonight..and she comes up with a Collin and a rug….what if you light up
aromatic lavender candles and she puts them off telling that the electricity is
on…and what if she drinks the whole glass of milk on the first night..and tell
you that her mom always gave her a glass of milk every night before
sleeping…”OH HOLY HELL SAVE ME…I WILL NEVER EVER OGLE ANY GAL IN THE
NEIGHBORHOOD …BUT PLEASE GOD NOT THIS GIRL”….i wiped the sweat off my face….got up…and left the room leaving
behind my mom, her would be daughter-in-law,and a devastated married life of
mine….went out to the nearest paan wala and filled my lungs with smoke.
I don’t want any offences if any girl
is reading this crap,all moms please forgive me…
I don’t know what I had to say…I just
wanted to say that stop creating such a nuisance of us ..,.we are guys and gals
of today…let us be ourselves…let us choose our life partners .its our life
after all….let us decide that whom we want to spend our life time with.marriage
is an institution…so let it be ..
12,december ,2012.
”c`mon push ….
breathe deeply….
relax….yes
now….
push again……yes….you can do it
….c`mon…push harder”….i was holding her hands into mine….and giving her
instructions as if I was the big nanny and have gone through these stages many
times myself …in fact thanks to the magazine I bought yesterday-“tips and tricks
for first time fathers”
on 12 December ,2012 when it was foretasted that the world is going to doom,get destroyed ….i became a father…holding twins in both my
hands….;
right after marrying the same girl in
the photo, one and a half year earlier….i lived happily ever after.
DESTINY IS ALWAYS NOT AS LUSTROUS AS YOU LIKE IT TO BE…ITS DISGUISED
SOMETIMES….ITS YOU WHO HAVE TO DECIDE……FROM ILLUSION AND REALITY……
SOME Words RIGHTLY SAY - “ALL THAT
GLITTERS IS NOT GOLD….GILDED TOMBS DO WORMS IN FOLD”
